English Major Golfer

Days after my first tournament in another country – where I don’t speak the language and played as the “foreigner” – and I am reflecting on my performance. Grateful through and through that I was able to even have the experience and with a caddie no less – and I am feeling an unquenchable sense that nothing is different. Am I getting better?

In planning our bi-annual trip to Portugal, home to my wife’s family, I checked the website of the closest golf course to Torreira, our home base, and much to my glee, Oporto GC was hosting a two-day tournament less than 2 weeks after we arrived. (Editor note: That’s a gloriously long sentence 😉).

My Golfweek/Senior Amateur season has been steady with an early season win, plus a good number of top 5 finishes. Leaving the US, I felt a sense of progress toward my goal of promotion to the CHAMP flight in either tour. The trip bisects the season and my plan was to use the time in Portugal to practice a lot…meaning nearly daily. So the idea of tacking on a tournament was almost too good to be true.

Then I learned I could have a CADDIE 🤯 for the tournament.

Now this is a big deal to me for several reasons. First, the idea of a caddie seems so “professional” to me – not a luxury or advantage for us mere amateurs. So the idea of having a caddie at all feels like some other level of existence which I only dared to dream of. Second, I have repeatedly said during any conversation on the subject of caddies that: I would be awesome playing with a caddie – tell me where to hit it and I will!

So let’s double the excitement of this tournament in Portugal WITH A CADDIE…take my money.

And it just kept getting better. I was able to book a practice round with the caddie, Manuel, on the Tuesday – terça-feira – preceding the tournament. 

I arrived at the course feeling so enthusiastic – not nervous at all. Manuel was introduced to me and we did our best to say hi – each trying the other’s language. (Editor’s note: my Portuguese is below basic level and I am fully trying to learn the language).

I teed up my first ball and absolutely blasted it down the right side of the hole fading just right into the the edge of the 9th fairway. The holes at Oporto, a course located a block or two from the beach in Espinho, are tightly packed into two separate blocks – weaving the front and back nines together. Much to my delight my ball found a perfect lie 60ish yards out and I wedged my approach to the edge of the green.

Manuel’s reaction to my wedge shot was one of surprise and delight that demonstrated my overall skill. “Un metro más”! Un más metro!” with a smile – “just one more yard/meter and it would be perfect.” From the edge of fairway-fringe, I chipped a perfect 9 iron, running the ball to less than a foot for the first of many tap in pars. “Para” Manuel said, satisfied. 

And that replayed throughout most of the day. I would spray the ball around finding perfect lies, hit adequate approaches and either make an easy chip or a steady putt to within a foot and tap in for par. I birdied the Par 5, 9th in much the same fashion, striping it off the tee, a perfect 5 iron to 200+ yards, followed by a chip and an easy birdie putt. 

I played so free and so easy as Manuel and I got into a rhythm. As I always believed, he would point to the spot on the cup and I would just hit the spot. He’d give me an aim point down range and I would go after it – not always hitting the line and the ball would find a nice lie for the next shot. We discussed different club selections for the tournament and I made notes in a little note book I got from the club house. 

At the end of the practice round I carded a very steady +5, 76 (Oporto is a Par 71). I felt more confidence in an upcoming tournament, then ever…I mean ever.

Much the way a Shakespearean Tragedy is crafted, we are pleased early in the story with hopes and dreams, only to feel the twist of reality and the turn of the story. My confidence was quickly shattered as I bladed my second shot out of a fairway bunker on the second hole on the first day of the tournament and it sailed over the Green and OB. I left my fifth shot – a provisional – in the same bunker – hit it again into the Green-side bunker. Then bladed it again over the Green and almost out of bounds, again…well let’s just skip ahead and I carded my first 10 in probably 30 years. 

Let’s let all that sink in…as I walked to the third tee box. 

Much to my own surprise, I was calm – perhaps numb – and yet still calm. My inner rage was in check – perhaps surrounded by strangers the last impression I wanted to leave them with is “that very angry American.” I assessed that recovering this round to be anything close to a “normal” score would require something “special”. And yet all those easy pars I made earlier in the week were nowhere to be found.

I held the round together with a couple of birdies, one finishing the 18th to card a first day 86. Manuel said in Portuguese, “you started off bad and finished good – there’s tomorrow.” It did little to sooth the sting of the second hole.

The second day featured no giant blow up and it also wasn’t the special round I needed to stage a come back. It was more like treading water. I once again birdied the 18th to cap the weekend with just too many bogeys and carded an unsatisfying 85. 

Out of 65 players I did crack the top 20 by finishing 19th. “Better than most – not as good as some.”

And now back to my reflection on my game, overall – this result did shake my confidence. 

First, I realized how comfortable I have become with the normal tournament rule of Triple Bogey Max (this is common in most tournament series for pace of play). When I sailed my second bladed-shot over the green, it hit me that my Triple Bogey Max comfort-blanket was not there…that sense of “where is this going to end” was an unfamiliar panic. 

When I do get promoted to CHAMP flight in Golfweek, that Triple Bogey Max rule is no longer – so this tournament provide a peak into the safety net being removed. This is also the case for the US Senior Amateur – so while it is unnerving, it is a reality of the future that I need to get comfortable with. 

Second, carding 86-85, 5 to 6 shots off my norm, wouldn’t have been so bad had I NOT had the glorious practice round of 76. That 76 demonstrated my true game – add a sprinkle of “tournament environment” and I am good for additional 10 shots. That reality stings. 

Once again, I am searching for that key to unlock my potential when it matters. To accomplish my goals, I must deliver in the moment. I am reflecting on how Olympic athletes must feel as their “moment” approaches. And yet the paradox is the more we focus on delivering in the moment – the harder it becomes – especially in golf. We begin to manufacture pressure. The focus becomes our fear of missing the moment and not the preparation for that moment. 

Throughout my personal and professional work life, I have experienced and recognized periods of time “inbetween progress.” Analogous to sailing conditions where the wind dies and the water calms and it feels like nothing is moving – the “doldrums”. 

I find these periods sneak up on you. Your focus is on progress and doing things and accomplishing goals and then suddenly you get frustrated that nothing is happening! “What’s going on??!” All your efforts seems fruitless and unsatisfying. And you look around and notice the wind is not moving. You are stuck. 

For those who are new to these conditions – and me the first 1000 times it happened – there’s a period of “forcing it”. Just TRY HARDER. JUST DO MORE. DON’T STOP. And yet the reality of the Doldrums is unescapable. Trying harder doesn’t do a thing. Everything feels like a failure or worse, progress seems to be going backwards…this is how I felt carding that 10…what the heck just happened?!!

I see this in my students – more so than they realize. Golf produces the moments that feel like “HEY THIS IS THE NEW NORM! Well done…” and then just as quickly that new swing, that little revelation, that breaking 90, evaporates. Snap. Nope. Same old – same old – Why do you play this game?

With all my progress this past year or so, conditioning-wise, winning several times, I do FEEL in a doldrums. Taking the 10 out of the weekend, I still shot pretty mediocre – especially the second day. I can over analyze and justify the scores as “good” results based on the factors – foreign soil, language barrier, unfamiliar course – and yet I can’t let myself do that as the reality is GOLF IS GOLF. It’s all the same – there’s a tee box and a green – go. 

And I am reminded that golf improvement is incredibly incremental. Many of my blogs have captured this inch by inch journey. In other parts of my life, the anecdote to the doldrums is focus on PROCESS not PROGRESS. Meaning, the best way to get out of the doldrums is to work on the basics, the fundamentals, the “little things”.  

Yet, the irony is that success breeds complacency. Even a small win can lead us to believe we’ve outgrown the fundamentals—skipping warm-ups or simple drills because we tell ourselves, ‘I’m better now.’ That false sense of security is precisely what invites the doldrums. 

And while I AM a better golfer – statically speaking – I have to remember that sticking with my processes – whether that’s my practicing process, my tournament processes – practicing those processes that got me to where I am – are going to be the same processes that help me deliver in the moment – hopefully 🤣🫣. 

I mean it is golf after all and anything can happen…which also means that there’s always a chance to achieve my goals! 

After all, in a game where a 10 and a birdie can coexist on the same scorecard, my best strategy for the next tournament is to stop chasing perfection and start trusting the work I’ve already put in.