English Major Golfer

I was “triggered”. 

Standing in the fairway having just returned to my previous spot to re-hit my 4th shot into the Par 4 first hole at River Bend GC: “This is not how I wanted to start.” My stomach turned over with embarrassment (the group behind was already in the fairway waiting for my group to clear the green); frustration (how did that 9 iron fly so far over the green?); disappointment (“this is not how I wanted to start!”).

I returned to the green to three-putt and card a triple for the first hole; +3 right out of the gate. What transpired next is a series of emotional dominoes that fell one by one over the next 17 holes and sent me home literally crying.

This was September 2022 during my first full year playing on the Golf Week Amateur Tour. The series of images below is from my actual journal – what? You think I am kidding about being an “English Major”! My go-to IS WRITING 😂. And yes, I have a regular journal AND a golf journal 😉.

After the River Bend round, I recognized a pattern:

1. Great practice rounds; usually scoring in the 70s or 80s.
2. These rounds created “hopeful anticipation”; “wishing” to do well; “I have scored well here on my practice round – do it again!”
3. ”The Pin Prick” – A result, or a bad break, or both that happens early in the round, usually the first or second hole and the outcome results in a high score and the feeling that suddenly I am behind the field.
4. This produces sulking, complaining,and frustration.
5. ”PILE ON” – my inner critic starts talking…and the bad shots keep piling up…
   • “Ugh that was embarrassing.” 
   • “How could you screw that up?? YOU JUST practiced that shot in warm ups?”
   • ”See, you aren’t as good as you think you are.”
   • “Yeah that guy is a real JERK, and he doesn’t shut up.” (Read more: What We Tell Ourselves)
   • AAAAAND I AM TOAST…
6. “Visions” – What happens next is any one of the following clear visions in my mind when the next bad shot happens (you can see the full list in my image 😂).
   • Break my club over my knee 
   • Throw my club as far as I can
   • Beat my golf bag
   • Pull the steering wheel off the cart
   • Throw the tee markers (my favorite vision 😳)

The visions are a full manifestation of my rage…Once I hit Stage 6 the round is gone. I want to stop. I want to leave my clubs on the cart. Walk to my car and just go home. The round can’t finish fast enough. This is not “fun.”

Now, I feel the need to make it clear that while I imagine thrashing about and throwing things, I don’t. I can’t afford to break clubs and at my core, I don’t want to be “that guy.” And I DO imagine it! (And most commonly yell and scream – I am working on this too.)

And this was all recognized 2 years ago. And before you can say it – yes, I needed help and I was getting it. 😂 I was working with mental coach David Jones, which helped me greatly recognize these patterns and find ways to interrupt them.

And since River Bend 2022, I have come a long way. In 2023, I won three times and entered 2024 once again with bright and hopeful eyes…🥹

Remember the title of this blog is Cycles: Growth Is Not Linear.

Returning from Hilton Head completing my third Nationals 2024, I felt the same frustration, disappointment and rage as I did in 2022. The exact same pattern repeated on my first day and I went through all 6 stages! Have I learned nothing? 

In many ways, my whole 2024 season was like this. Looking back, most tournaments were not my best rounds. In fact, I had very few top 5 finishes this year and no wins. If my “hope” was to build on my 2023 Season, that did not materialize at all. I wrote about this in Hidden Expectations. 

Reflecting on all this, I realize that we grow in cycles. It doesn’t happen linearly and we likely have to double back on lessons already learned in order to achieve our goals. And it’s clear to me that sometimes the hardest muscle to develop is the mental muscles!

I am thankful I have written down the prior experiences because it reminds me of what I need to do to stay out of the 6 Stages of Self-Destruction. So what to do about it?

Hopeful Anticipation vs Imagined Results

“Hoping to play well” isn’t a great strategy going into a round. It’s passive and waiting for something to materialize (positive or negative). I have realized that my hopeful anticipation is easily let down. Of course we “hope” to score a birdie on every hole – that’s what we all want and if we are hoping for that, we are going to be disappointed quickly. 

Instead, I started thinking about “Imagined Results” – where do I want the ball to go? What do I want to happen next? I realized in 2022, that I am a creative person and I use my imagination quite a bit. Working with Coach Jones, he says to “see” the ball go into the hole while putting. “It’s beyond just imagining it; you actually experience it.” 

I began using this technique beyond just putting. I now stand on the tee and “see” where I want the ball to go. If I am committed to concentrating only on imagining the results – I don’t have the space for imagining anything else. There is no room for worry or doubt. 

I remember at the end of 2022, having success with this concept. I brought less hope to the course and more focus. I started thinking about results as being “just results – neither positive or negative – just results.” This removed the potential to be disappointed and the gateway to my 6 Stages of Death.

I realize now that for most of 2024, that mental muscle wasn’t as strong as I thought. I think maybe I was going through the motions without committing to “seeing” the outcome I wanted. I know this works because I have experienced it and it will be a focus for offseason development this Winter.

Here are three ways you can try this technique:

1. On the putting green: Stand about three feet away from the hole on a pretty straight putt. Look at the hole and watch the ball fall into the hole. Do this a number of times to get the image of the ball falling into the hole. Now close your eyes. Picture in your mind the moment the ball is falling into the hole. Repeat that image a few times. Now look at the ball and putt it towards the hole without watching it go in and at the same time, play that image in your mind.
2. On the Tee Box: Pick a point beyond the fairway on the line that you want the ball to go. Keep looking for a smaller and smaller point, on a tree, or a bush, or a rock – some small point in the distance. Picture that point in your mind, close your eyes and see the ball going to that point. Address the ball on the tee, look at that point one more time and then when you look back at the ball to start your back swing, picture that point in your mind. See if you can hold that point in your mind throughout your swing.
3. In the fairway: Determine where you want the ball to land right or left of the pin, front or behind it. Now look up and imagine the ball flight to that spot; is the ball going up high in the air? Is it a low punch shot under the wind? Do you imagine a draw or a fade into that spot? Your brain, uncluttered by swing thoughts will do the math for you – let it. See the ball flight. See the spot on the green. Address the ball, hold that picture in your mind through the shot.

All three of these scenarios take time to practice. Do this practice on the range and forget for a time your swing. Just play the mental game with all your clubs, picking a point, choosing a shot and holding the image of the target/outcome in your mind. 

And remember, growth is in cycles. Over and over – stay at it. Of course, I am reminding myself as much as I am sharing this with you. 😉

See you on the course!