English Major Golfer

Why Do You Golf?” This question was posed to me by Jonathan Meeks, a close friend and Personal Trainer, who recently started working with me on strength training. We’ll get to more on the strength training topic in another blog and the question was asked in the context of a conversation over the phone where I was complaining about my physical conditioning and issues plaguing my game recently (back stiffness and golfer’s elbow).

My answer was a knee-jerk reaction as the question seemed to come out of nowhere. “I golf because I can’t play baseball anymore and that was/is the real love of my sporting life. So golf is my solace.” 

Jonathan wisely let the answer go and we continued on further in the conversation on how and when we could continue to address these frustrating physical conditions I was suffering.

Yet, I couldn’t let the answer go and the question kept ringing in my head: why do you golf?

For days, I continued to dwell on that question and my answer kept changing. Since beginning my quest to win a golf tournament back in 2020, GOLF has become an everyday presence in my life. In fact, in many ways, golf has become more of a “life-style” than a recreational activity. By life-style, I mean that I build my schedule, my eating, my workouts, my rest, all around playing golf and ultimately playing golf better. 

This aspect of golf as a life-style is something I learned and loved about marathon running. You don’t just go run a marathon – it takes hours and hours of training along with proper eating and recovery. To me, golf – at least at the level I aspire to play – requires the same commitment.

And yet, my answer now to Why Do You Golf? – as a replacement for baseball – just didn’t seem to fit. There was more to it and I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I even tried answering the question again to Jonathan – “I play golf because I like to practice and I like the challenge” – nope. As soon as I said it out loud to him, I knew it just didn’t hit the bullseye.

So here’s where things get deep and admittedly scary for me. Jonathan and I sat down again, a few weeks later, to further discuss a plan for my training. He brought up his question again and challenged me to answer the question in context of my spiritual beliefs and my relationship with God. 

WHOA – Time Out! I am a life-long Episcopalian and as per our tradition, my spiritual beliefs are something I DO NOT share with many people – a very-very-very-small select few actually. Jonathan’s request hit me like a ton of bricks and it cracked something open. I sat back and processed his question.

While Jonathan and I have had many awesome conversations – none had crossed the threshold of our faith and beliefs in God. Before I could answer, Jonathan continued and told me that he recognized that despite my talent, my privilege, and opportunity to play golf so much – I was always complaining – never satisfied. “Perhaps golf has become an unhealthy priority for you and rather than bringing you joy, as it should, it’s eating at you. Why?” 

I sat back unable to form any words.

Without really knowing it, Jonathan’s words struck deeply. My relationship with sports, life, work, God have all had an undercurrent of themes of David and Goliath; Charlie Brown; the underdog that is always fighting – always challenged – always served up humble pie to eat only to push me to prove more; be more. 

It struck at the themes that Coach Dave Jones (link to TEDx) and I worked on in 2022, to gain a sense of belonging and self-acceptance of my golf talents. 

And yes, I had to admit in that moment that my waking thoughts were on golf, my daily thoughts were on golf and my closing of the day thoughts were golf. It had consumed more than just being a “life-style.” It had become the center of my life. 

I admitted to Jonathan that his insight was spot on. I acknowledged out loud something that had been in the back of my mind – my spiritual practice was lackluster. I noticed this recently when Lent (a very important time in our Church) came and went and I did nothing; when in the past, I used Lent every year to renew my spiritual practice and my faith. Worse, when I realized it several days into the Lent season – I shrugged it off. Kept it in the back of my mind. 

And then the hammer dropped – Jonathan concluded with this open-ended question (paraphrased): If you really believe that golf is a blessing, which you have said and you continue to golf without joy, then how are you showing God’s glory through your blessings? 

It took me several days to process all that we discussed. In that time of thinking and praying, this paragraph from Br. James Koester of SSJE found me:

“A witness is somebody who not only sees something, but says something — and the reason they say it is so that their joy may be complete. Witnessing connects to joy: what you would keep doing, for its own sake, even when no one is watching.”

Golf is something I do for its own sake. Given the chance, I would practice and play golf all day, everyday – and not for material gain. I don’t want to “play golf for a living” I want to live to play golf. The physical art of striking a golf ball or baseball – pure: as if you actually didn’t make contact with the ball – is joy to me. Watching it fly through the air — is joy to me. The natural beauty, elegance, and order of a golf course or baseball field is joy to me. 

At the same time, all my life I have felt I am a “reporter” – observing and relating – sharing my perspective in words comes naturally to me – it is in my DNA. It makes me a natural coach, and leader. And yet when it comes to my faith and my relationship with God, I have simply been an observer – not a true “witness.” My thinking has been: people will see my faith through my actions – why do I need to say anything? 

And yet here is golf, a true blessing in my life, and I spend a lot of time complaining and bemoaning my perils of the game. I have an opportunity to pursue a level of skill and achievement in the game and I am squandering it – hindering myself by focusing on disappointment, frustration and anger. Where is my joy? Why do I golf?

I am forever grateful to the courage Jonathan had to ask me this question and I believe I will be working out my answer on the practice range, on the greens and here in this blog for a long time to come. Through this reorientation of my priorities in golf, I already feel lighter – less “fight” – and a growing recognition of the joy that surrounds me and the game.

I golf as a physical expression of the blessing and grace which God has given to me. I golf to reconcile the pursuit of being “good enough” and capable enough and “belong” enough. I golf chasing the fleeting instances of joy derived by the occasional perfect motion, timing, and contact. I golf knowing full well that at any moment the game will test my humility through humiliation.

And I golf as a witness that I might have just enough courage to share my experiences and you will know that golf means more to me than any trophy, title or cash prize. It is an open invitation to share with me your journey and experiences and who knows we just might lower our handicap together.