English Major Golfer

As a kid, I would often be described as “little”; “tiny”; “small” – even today, I grind my teeth at the word “petite”. When called out by my fellow kid friends it would ignite rage within me and I would generally lash out. If playing backyard football, I would bury my head into my friend’s stomach and try my best to knock them back on their “keaster” – as my Dad called it.

Inside, I never felt “small” – I always had great confidence in my athleticism; I knew I could outrun you, out juke you and if I had it right, I could run “right through you” – at least in my mind anyway! 😉Much of my existence in high school was defined by how I played baseball. I prided myself on being “scrappy”; quick; agile. No one ever called me “strong”. 

Of course, as I got to college baseball and started to really understand my “stature” as compared to my peers, I couldn’t escape my size being a disadvantage. While I was great at finding the gaps and getting base hits; I was not one to challenge with a deep ball and go yard. That realization frustrated me and I joke today that I was never going to play D1 with this body. 

Golf certainly has become my comfort for no longer playing baseball. While my mind is still there, my 50+ body isn’t. (I have to be careful sneezing these days as that could lead to a pulled muscle 🤣). 

And playing and developing within Golf continues to surface demons that I have to face in order to keep getting better. 

Oddly, Mother Nature is contributing in that process choosing this season to show up with windy conditions during some recent tournaments. Playing golf is hard. Playing golf in 15 to 20 mph winds is harder. And much like being called “little” as a child, wind seems to ignite within me an automatic response of frustration and anger.

Both of my most recent highest scores came during windy conditions and I can absolutely recall several shots that got away from me, leading to double bogeys at the hand of not playing the wind properly. While my overall temperament to “results that are not desired” (code for “bad” 🫣) has gotten much better and I am able to shrug it off and move on – I didn’t put any value into what I could learn from those rounds…until several weeks later.

While enjoying my coffee and a read during my morning process on vacation, I decided to brave some windy morning conditions by the pool. Immediately, I reminded myself why I hate the wind as it battered the pages of my book and gave no moment for “calm reflection” by the pool. 

Then it hit me – like the wind 🤣😵‍💫 (come on, you knew that was coming…): I hate wind because it make me feel like that “little” kid again – like random teasing from a bigger friend – wind literally makes me feel “pushed around.” My auto-response is anger, frustration and pushing back. All of which is not any kind of mind set you want standing over an approach shot to the green. 

I recall several times during those windy rounds having to back off a putt because both the ball and me were wobbling in the wind. Instant annoyance and lack of patience – and only now – sometime later am I realizing my mind set was not sharp, calm and focused. 

I am writing this now aimed at my young competitive players – just beginning your journey in golf…resist the temptation to work out life’s frustrations through the game. This will only lead to more frustration and it negatively affects the underlying development of your play. If you are having a bad day, going and hitting a bucket of balls isn’t therapy. It isn’t an answer to that frustration and worse only acts as a channel for compounding frustration. Learning golf is about making lots and lots of mistakes and errors and still finding a way to develop a process that leads to desired results…NOT the results themselves. This is the ultimate paradox of your journey. Chase results and you will always be chasing…

Now to my adult competitive players – too easily, we adapt our own baggage to the results of hitting a golf ball, making a putt, scoring a birdie, breaking 90, etc…too easily we forget the paradox of the game or more importantly, it’s never learned or realized. Too easily – deep down, we strive from some result that we look to negate some other shortcoming or negative experience, only to grind ourselves on the game, hitting one more ball or playing more one round deluding ourselves that the result will matter. Golf is a game of process – not results. 

Yes, I get it. This sentiment runs completely counter to our culture of 300+ Drives, hero shots and chasing a PLUS index. Boring golf, preshot routines, and mental toughness, are difficult content to gain eyeballs on Instagram. It’s not flashy. It’s not self-evident. 

The heart for Golf is like taking a picture of the wind.